mental blabber… here… and there…
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  • Control Freaks… All of us?

    Posted on June 30th, 2009 Angad 1 comment


    Its such a resonating word. Resonates with every person. All crave for control. Every one has their own way of achieving that position of control.

    Some use love, some sex, some care, and some plain old brute strength.

    Isn’t it amazing there can be so many ways, completely different from each other to achieve the same objective? Control.

    A parent punishes his or her child to show that the child’s life is in their control, a child goes ahead and falls sick or gets a injury to show(read rebel) to their parents, NO You cant control me, Now start taking care of me, I am in control. and that’s what it gets.

    The fight for control, leads to drained people, drained of their energy, their zest of life consumed with achieving control on their as well as the surrounding people’s life. Its the latter one that really screws up everything.

    Trying to achieve control over one’s own life is a good thing in my opinion, trying to do the same with other people’s lives, is not so good. People form rules, regulations, limitations which if are broken by the person they want control on, he/she should be punished. The ways of punishment can be very diverse, the way a parent punishes his/her child, the way a lover punished his/her lover, the way a teacher punishes his/her student, or the way a friend punishes his/her friend.

    Not talking, not giving, no sex, no interaction, no helping hand, these are just a few examples of punishment as well as control methods.

    And the irony of this whole control issue is that, 95% of the times, we do it so naturally, we dont even have to formulate any strategies, it’s so sick that it’s so normal to us to try and control other people. but in this sickness, lies the cure as well.

    Name the control drama when you feel some one is trying to control you. It would work efficiently most of the times, because it makes the person conscious of what he/she i doing. If some one is intimidating you, its probably, he/she just wants you to behave in a certain manner failing which you get out of their control, so naming the control drama, as in asking it simply, “Why are you so angry?” works in a way that their conscious brain looks at itself, it sees what its doing unconsciously. and they hold themselves. coming back to a more sane way of conversation.

    If some one is being overly interrogative, just ask them, why are you so interested? believe me, it will make them think the same question and then in the next sentence they speak they will come from a calmer place.

    Till I need to blabber again.

    ciao 🙂

  • My thoughts about God / The Source / Whatchamacallit – Part 3

    Posted on June 24th, 2009 Angad No comments

    Continued from: My thoughts about God / The Source / Whatchamacallit – Part 1 & My thoughts about God / The Source / Whatchamacallit – Part 2

    Day before yesterday, I was discussing this whole topic with my partner which i discussed in my earlier posts, while that brain storming, and getting disappointing conclusions, one thing hit me, some times, the most obvious conclusion, is the right one.

    What I mean is, in this whole mumbo jumbo of a question filled life, what’s the most obvious answer to what’s the meaning of life? Well to me is, to live it fully and completely I guess.

    Lets see it from how I reached here. What’s a human being most afraid of? Death, I believe. Shit scared to think all the accomplishments, all the memories, all the people he loved, all the things he owned are gonna be gone, poof… as soon as he dies? Scary isn’t it? Humans as a race are a very hopeful one. So they decided, death cant be it… right? there’s gotta be a way to go on after that. Ahh… after life, reincarnation… brilliant. Hmmm… So if we need to put some power into this idea, okay lets put all the power into some thing like a super being. which no one can see, which no one can hear, which you can only meet with once you dearly depart from this world! Convenient isn’t it?

    Its a self uplifting theory of man to keep himself from going insane because of the fear of Death!

    So if this is not it then what is it?

    I’ve come to a realization of a person who believes in Science. Organisms, constantly evolving. From single celled organisms, to organisms which live in water, to amphibians, to reptiles, to primates, to human. The evolution of Man as taught in every school. Why not actually see some truth in it? Okay so I asked her, now try to disprove this theory, just running an idea by you, the immediate answer from her was then tell me how some people are psychics? Clairvoyants? She said, your theory of us being organisms of science, that there’s no God, and no external life force goes down the drain very easily. I thought, well what if clairvoyants have just evolved. Like say, some people develop their bodies, some their minds, some develop logic, while some develop creativity, some are good in calculations, and some develop language skills. Clairvoyant people have just developed that part of their mind which deals with clairvoyance. So, what this point means is that, every one of us has the ability for clairvoyance in us, its just that we don’t develop it. Its like every body having a high tech cell phone, but one person using only some basic features, some more advanced features, and some using it extremely to the limit. I am not saying a clairvoyant person is using their mind to the max, its just that part they are using, I am sure a clairvoyant might not know what an engineer knows, they’ve just developed different parts of their mind.

    In the end. My personal conclusion about this whole GOD issue is that the whole system is a system of control. When you die, you die, so live your life, LIVE it. Nice and good. 🙂

  • My thoughts about God / The Source / Whatchamacallit – Part 2

    Posted on May 25th, 2009 Angad 1 comment

    Continued from: My thoughts about God / The Source / Whatchamacallit – Part 1

    Heroes (The TV Series Season 3 Finale Narration: There are nearly 7 Billion people on this planet. Each one unique, different. What are the chances of that?  And Why? Is it simply biology, physiology that determines this diversity? A collection of thoughts, memories, experiences that carve out our own special place. Or is it something more than this? Perhaps there is a master plan that drives the randomness of creation. Something unknowable, that dwells in the soul, and presents each one of us with a unique set of challenges, that will help us discover, who we really are?

    We are all connected, joined together by an invisible thread, infinite in its potential and fragile in its design. Yet while connected we are also merely individuals, empty vessels to be filled with infinite possibilities, an assortment of thoughts, beliefs, a collection of disjointed memories and experiences.

    Can I be me without these? Can you be you?

    And if this invisible thread that holds us together was to sever, to cease, what then? What would become of billions of lone, disconnected souls? Therein lies the  great quest of our lives. To find, to connect, to hold on, for when our hearts are pure and our thoughts in line, we are all truly One, capable of repairing our fragile world and creating a universe of infinite possibilities.

    While watching this episode the first time, I completely unheard this part in which Mohinder Suresh narrates this voice over, Second time around, it got its prays heard. I heard it, listened to it, and then repeated it over and over again. I was kind of perplexed as to how the theme of the TV series matched what was going on my mind at that point of time. Well, coincidences apart, its quite a ponderable topic on which I was pondering over anyways.

    The point i could put my finger on is that the narrator aswell couldnt keep his finger on as to WHY is this actually happenning, he says perhaps there’s a masterplan. Ahh I See, I said to myself, maybe it some sort of a plan, but then again… the end thought was WHY? What is the need? Well everything being ONE, and all humans being ONE and connected does make sense to me, every one together, same, different, together again. What does happen when we die? What is happenning to us before we take birth? In both those times, swimming in the oceans of consciousness are we? Are we one with the creator at that time? one with the architect? Oh, that reminds me of The Matrix, but I dont think I wanna go into it as of now, maybe some other day, maybe some other blog post.

    Conclusion? You looking for one? Well I dont have any, as yet. But I do have an opinion, I feel, god has left the building. And some other bozo’s enjoying one of god’s worlds while he’s on vacation. Is that person the Devil? Dont ask me, form your own opinions.

    I’d like to stay with these thoughts for now, maybe some thing interesting might come outta it. 😉


  • My thoughts about God / The Source / Whatchamacallit – Part 1

    Posted on May 22nd, 2009 Angad 3 comments

    Since the beginning of time, man has been looking for meaning, and a direction, why is he where he is? And he has asked himself a million times, what am I supposed to do. With all our technological advances, have we been able to find out the basest questions that comes to a human’s mind?

    What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What are we supposed to do?

    People joke, god is a kid with an ant farm, well, I think that might not be that far from the truth. Spiritual speakers tell us about all of us being one, part of the same energy, the same illuminating ball of light, the supreme, The Source. And that we are given our life lessons before birth and we are supposed to learn our life lessons in our life time otherwise we start this cycle of birth and death again to learn the lessons we didn’t learn in the previous. Its like homework from school, no matter how much you delay doing it, you will have to do it!

    I ask if we are the part of the all knowing source, which has given birth to all the organisms as well as the universe itself, what are we? Are all the 7 billion of us humans god’s playthings? God is the head master and we are his students? If he is really god, why doesn’t he just wave his hand and fill us with all the learning there is and be done with it. Are we his entertainment?

    Well if we think about this source explanation seriously, this I think it isn’t the only source. I know you think I’m out of my mind, but just bear with me. Let’s just see what’s happening, We humans come out of the ball of light, our source and are given specific lessons to learn, failing in this task we wont be able to go back to the source and have to take another birth to learn them. Then how I would understand this situation as would be that the source is like us, actually just like us, its needs to learn, which it is doing through us. It is NOT all knowing. It is actually exactly like us in the manner that it has also been sent out to learn lessons, which it is doing through us, it’s the way it knows how. Our source, might be actually just a pawn in this whole game of chess, a soldier in the mission to get intelligence, it might have come out of a bigger source, and that bigger source… wouldn’t it be the same like our source? Another chain, another link, another organism which needs to learn? Wont this just keep going on? Where do you think it will end? Who do you think will be the boss? Would the boss be an all knowing source? If yes, then why is he doing this? For entertainment? If not, then who made him boss in the first place?

    While you think about what I just said, think about this: Who is busting there asses actually learning the lessons? US. Who are actually the people who get it done, who try and try again to learn twisted, complicated lessons? US. Who’s making us do these hard chores? Is there a fat man with a cane who whips us as soon as we stop? Or is there a sexy lady enchanting us with her bare bottoms to the work quickly and come to her? Well no, there’s none of that. Is there? Who made us the slaves? I think the whole concept is screwed up, we aren’t the slaves, we’re the masters! We work, we work, we stop, we stop, no one’s there to tell us to work, or stop. Right? WRONG. That’s what society is for. The one that’s been folded over our eyes, what’s right, what’s wrong, things which are supposed to be this way or that way, and things that aren’t supposed to be this way and that way. These so called norms of the society we live in surround us. And what happens if we break them? We’re called the rebel, even a lunatic if you’ve broken a more prominent rule of the society.

    To be continued…

  • Which Digital SLR Camera should I buy?

    Posted on May 19th, 2009 Angad 4 comments


    Digital SLR’s, Always been one of the “things” to have for me. Been dreaming to own one since I really dont know when, to satisfy my want for a good camera, i went in and had got myself a Sony DSC H2, a pretty advanced camera though, i mean, it was my first digital camera, not that I hadn’t used them before, they were just not mine.

    Well, the other day, one of my friends told me he just bought a Nikon D80 or was it a D60? anyways, i was jealous as hell!! Not that I wasnt happy for him, but for the camera i was just plain jealous! So today, I started looking at SLR’s, note, not because my friend has it, but because i want to have one as well. 😛 Well, I got so damn confused, all the brands, all those complex features, all those lenses, filters, tripods, and what nots….

    I came across thanks to google, and I just got stuck there, in a good way. The site, has all the information I wanted, in exactly the way I would have preferred. Using no unwanted or unneeded jargon. It features, all the good brands, and has reviews of all the new and the old DSLR’s there are. There are  simple guides, about how to classify youself into types of photographers, and then see which SLR is meant for you. I personally came out to be a Macro and a spontaenous Photographer and also chose the DSLR I wanted to have.

    Canon Rebel XSi (450D)

    Well good luck to me saving up all that cash, soon, I’ll be in the SLR elites as well. 😛


  • Materializing Pain

    Posted on May 15th, 2009 Angad No comments

    Pain, its hard to look away from, sure we have all the drugs in the world at our disposal which would say otherwise, but I believe Pain is one of the most easiest thing which each and everyone of us is able to materialize in their life, in the literal or hypothetical form, or both, which is usually the case of most of us.

    Human beings, are born with this talent, no one needs to teach them how to attract pain into their lives, exactly like no one needs to teach a baby how to breathe and suck his or her mother’s milk out of her breasts at the same time.

    We like pain just as much as we like love, we like emotional, physical, mental… all types of pains. No ones better than others, physical pain is just more easily and readily available. Starts right in the beginning, the 1 -2 year old taking its first steps will fall down, and hurt itself even if it is in the minutest of ways, it will cry, cry like there’s no tomorrow, and what will it get for it? Undivided attention, love, caresses, and loads of kisses from the mum and dad. Kid  grows up! Knows just how to molest their parents hearts. Get a scraped knee and come running home, to get all that he felt he’s lost, gain all the energy that was drained out of him, by his friends, teachers, and in the end he will be satisfied, bandaged by his mother’s hands, cookies and a glass of warm milk in front of him, and to top that off, he just might even get rid of doing homework that night. After all the poor kid’s in “Pain”!

    Kid now is a teenager, he/she knows, half the things he/she wants to do, his parents will never allow him to, so he plays an act, an act so complicated, that even the adults believe it, and believe it as a fact of life. No body understand me!! He/she would shout at the top of his/her voice. And the so called “adults” would even agree, teenagers are just in a world of their own. We cant really help it! It’s the hormones! And what not lies people hide behind, just to show that they are in pain. The teenager in pain of no one understands me, and the parent, in the pain that no matter what they do, they just cant understand what their teen son or daughter wants!?!?

    The Game of seeking attention continues…

    Diseases. The terminal ones… you know, HIV, Cancer, what not… what are they? Arent they also the most elaborate form of Pain? The highest order if I may say? Why do we bring them into our lives? You think it comes from the outside? It isn’t the persons fault? Well guess again. Just another Love and attention seeking Pain Game. The worse I die, the more love I’ll get before I die… Ironical logic, no one can beat that. And also, the bigger irony is, all of us believe in just this logic. If I tell my girl friend, my back is aching, she’ll come and say Oh my baby!, come let me give you a massage, good idea isn’t it? But, come to think of it, what if I straight away request for a back massage without hiding behind any fake or real pain? A massage is a massage right?

    I’ll leave you with my final thoughts on this topic for now…

    Pain is a means, a means by which every one of us gets whatever we want. Its not a handicap, but a tool, using which we can get any and every where in life.

    Comments Welcome.

  • Experimentation with Domaining

    Posted on May 9th, 2009 Angad No comments

    Some people out there who came to my blog in the past 3 days, would have found that it was not available. And that the domain was parked at Sedo. Well, I was just tinkering around with some things. Sorry if you were disappointed 🙂 , and Thanks, if you missed me. 😛 Anyways, My email angad at 50k dot in as well as the blog here at is alive and kicking again. so be sure to check back again. 😉

  • Hybrid Bulls?

    Posted on May 9th, 2009 Angad No comments

    Heera & Moti?

    Heera & Moti?

    Well, I don’t know if you’re gonna believe me, especially if you’re a guy/girl whose never been to the countryside, but these two studs of the bulls are almost 10-11 feet tall!!! I mean, I live in Gurgaon, which is a city in India, and I have lived the bigger part of my life in New Delhi, and its really not such a big thing to see a cow or a bull on the streets or the roads. Well that’s another long story probably for another time, but the point is the usual cow / bull height I’m used to seeing is around 4-5.5 feet, that’s about 1-1.5 mtrs. And for a second when on a trip to one of my friend’s village (his home town: Bhiwani, Haryana) I saw this pair, i was shocked out of my mind, that what in the hell are these. Anyways, here’s looking at you two… :-p

  • Everybody Lies!

    Posted on May 5th, 2009 Angad 1 comment

    Yeah, they do, you do too, and you know it. Don’t think I’m trying to be some sort of preacher here, everybody means everybody, including me. See the thing with lies are is that once you even think of them, they become a reality for you, you feel it, you believe it and you live it just as well. Starts small usually, I didn’t do it… It wasn’t me… but you know how it is with lies, they’re hungry, very hungry. They need constant attention, attention hungry little monsters they are.

    You think you’ve taken care of an issue with your friend, spouse, parent, by that one lie and that’s that. Oh but its not. Did I say Lies are like hungry monsters? Yeah, constantly need to feed on your mind, on your conscience, your will and eventually your life, not forgetting the fact that they feed on further lies to support them. They’re like these little creatures, which seem so cute and nice to hold in the beginning, but as time passes, they grow, and how they grow!

    They grow so big you can’t hug them any more, you can’t think of them as nice anymore, and at times, they don’t even feel useful anymore. You start disliking them, you feel repulsed, and eventually we hate them, and it ends with us hating ourselves. There’s no looking around it, there’s no ignoring them, and there’s certainly no forgetting them. Because if we do, forget them I mean, they bite us in the ass. And bite hard. The imaginary world we create using those lies crumbles which we had created for our friends, our relatives, our parents, even the people we don’t really know, and most importantly for ourselves. The lies that we tell ourselves are actually the ones that don’t bite, but stab. They stab us without our knowledge, without our permission, without us even feeling it, but that’s all temporary. Because eventually, we receive it, all the knowledge, all the feelings, all the pain, and we feel every last bit of it. It takes its toll, on our lives in a way we never thought possible, in a way we thought only nightmares end, in a way we are the only one left in the dust. Alone and lonely.

    It only gets worse, yeah. If we keep feeding the lies we tell every one around us and yeah in turn to ourselves. There’s no light at the end of this tunnel. In fact there’s just no end to it, rather, its not a tunnel at all, it’s a pit, a big one, and one that’s got no bottom. We can keep falling or we can decide to do some thing about it. Do what? You ask me, but the thing is, this pit each and everyone of us has, is like a thumb print. Unique and individual every last one of them. But there is only one common solution.

    The truth. Tell it. Today.